Happy New Year

Gosh, I didn't realize it had been so long since I had posted here.

December was a very busy, stressful month for us. A lot of ups and downs. The good news is that 2010 is behind us. I am looking forward to a new year with a fresh and happy start.

We started the move to our new home on Christmas day. It was the best possible way for us to spend the day. Moving was a positive, distracting thing. We still have somethings in storage and a few odds & ends out at the house, but all the important things are here and put away.

I love our new neighborhood. It's so quiet and peaceful here. Our new neighbors are very friendly. It's just a great place to be.

Meghan loves crawling all over our new home. It's so great to be able to let her play and not have to worry. She's beginning to cruise along furniture and even let go for a minute at a time. I would be surprised if she's walking very soon.

I'm looking forward to starting back at the gym later this week. I need to focus more on my health and stop letting my emotions control my choices. I am tired of living in pain and of feeling uncomfortable in my own body.

I miss Max more than ever. The holidays were hard, thinking back to last year and the wonderful Christmas we had with him. It's difficult watching Meghan grow and learn the things that he once did...especially with her resembling him so much. I so wish he was here to teach her and play with her. Most of all I just want to hold him, see his bright smile and hear his laugh again.

I'm still going to therapy a few times a month. I have a wonderful therapist and she helps me work through some of the things I'm feeling. There are still days that I don't know how to go on, that I don't want to go on. I still hurt and I know I always will. But there are also moments that I'm able to laugh without that horrible feeling of guilt.

This year is about doing what's best for me, for my family, for my health and for my happiness.