April 1st

I've been stressing a lot lately over the first. It's going to be an emotional, crazy, hard day. 


April 1st is...
1 year anniversary of my father's death.
5 days before Meghan's birthday (Max died 5 days before his)
Robert's sister, Melanie, arrives from Philly to stay for a week
Our Playgroup's annual Easter party


Did I say I'm stressed?

How do I tell her?

After my last post, Meghan came walking through the living room carrying the picture Daddy made us for Christmas. It's a picture frame that holds a picture of Max, one of Meghan and the two of them together. Meghan climbed onto the couch next to me pointed at each picture. She pointed to herself, a picture of her right after her first birthday, and said Meghan. Then for each of the three other pictures she pointed and said Max. She recognizes him in pictures now, even ones she hasn't seen before. She knows that he's different then other babies and children we see on the computer, tv or real life. She knows her brother.

How I Cope...

I've been thinking a lot about coping skills vs strength lately. I understand that many think I am strong for having dealt and survived so many difficult things in my life. Some of the things I've survived have been enough that some people wouldn't have been able to live through or maybe they would but just have an extremely altered life. Some would turn to drugs or start drinking. But yet I continue to survive time after time. I'm not saying I'm not screwed up, I know I need every minute of the therapy I receive. Yet despite all of it I continue to get out of bed each day, I care for my child, I get dressed, I eat...I do all the same things any other mother does.

Just Another Love Story

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, there lived a young girl. A girl who was much too young for love and did not fully understand the impact other people could leave on her very impressionable soul. She met a boy who had the same name as a very famous country singer and when he asked her to be his girlfriend, she agreed. For eight months they had a relationship of sorts. The girl did not understand how she was supposed to be treated. So when the boy treated her badly, she didn't know any different. When he told her she was ugly and that no one would ever love her, she believed him. He told her to forget her dreams because they would never ever come true. He told her that her body disgusted him. For eight months she allowed herself to listen to the nasty things he had to say to her. She only began to fight back when he placed his hands around her throat until she couldn't breathe. Finally he released his grip and she realized then she needed to get away. And finally she did.