Boost

They weren't kidding when they compared life to a roller coaster. I know my emotions certainly are right now.

Besides everything else, I just feel like I'm in a funk. I feel trapped in routine. I feel like I don't have choices, I just go through the motions. I need to shake things up a bit. I need to regain myself. I can't even begin to go through my emotions and start to heal when everything is aggravating me right now. I need to find new outlets, positive things to get me through the day. Something new. Something different.

Going Through the Motions

I feel like I'm just going through the motions of life. I do what is expected of me. I cook and clean. I watch tv with my family when I'm supposed it. I hold my book in my hands and pretend to read. I take the pills that are supposed to make it better. I laugh that laugh that everyone seems to believe and smile over the grimace that no one sees.

This Isn't Me...

I've seen the consequences of people not taking medications as prescribed, whether it be too much, skipping doses, or ceasing them all together. I am the one who encourages and scolds others. I am the one who worries about others.

Yet, here I am. I was up all night before I finally collapsed out of sheer exhaustion at 4:30 am. I woke up with Meghan at 5 am, got her back to bed and then went on to have one horrible nightmare after another.

TOS

I've been told that blogging would be a good outlet for me to let out some of the things I've been holding in. I plan to use my paper journal for most of it, but I've been told that I need to share as well.