I've been having a hard time coming up with something to say, here and on facebook.
I realize that I don't need a topic, but I feel rather boring just talking at random about my day.
I've been trying to stay busy by going to the gym and play dates. It helps to keep my mind off of things a little better. Kim is still here staying with us until the 28th, so at least when I'm home I'm not completely left to my thoughts.
I'm feeling pretty low energy, high pain, low mood today. I couldn't get to sleep last night until around 2 am. Once I finally did I spent the night tossing and turning, having one nightmare after the next. The first one was about my mother, I dreamt she had died. I don't know how. But it was a series of difficult things that were hard to shake off when I woke up. The second dream was reading article after article about Max's death, each one talking about what terrible parents we were, what it must have been like for him etc. All these horrible things that I just couldn't get away from.
Now I'm sore from not sleeping, sore from all the exercise I've done, sore from stress. Just sore.
What kinds of things would you like to see here? Leave your suggestions, questions, comments.
How I lost 25 lbs...
11 years ago
1 comments:
I just want to say that I've never commented on your blog before but I read it from time to time and I'm in your play room on JM (Serenity&Scarlett'sMama). I felt like you need to hear this. You are a wonderful mother. I can tell that you truly care for your children. You do now and you did before Max died. Your not a bad mother! If you are dreaming that people think you were a bad mother then it is probably there in your subconscious some where but no one will know what it feels like for a child to die by accident until it happens to them. I know you probably felt like there were things that you could have done differently but an ACCIDENT does NOT mean that you were being a bad mother or neglectful at all. It was just an ACCIDENT. I could never guess how you feel everyday by your loss but please, please dont ever think it was your fault and that you could have prevented it. The "What if's" will drive you crazy. I pray for you and your family. One thing I would *like* to see on here, that you requested we tell you lol, is plans for the future. Make some plans up, some goals. Learn a new hobby (if you have time) ;). I would love to hear about that. I know we dont know each other and I hope I didn't cross any type of line but typing this up. Just one stranger to another, one mother to another, You are a wonderful, caring person and mother. Please take pride in that and draw happiness from it.
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